“Why does this keep happening to me?!”

Do you find that your relationships start well but then you feel and act in “gamey” unproductive ways further down the road? It’s as if there is a sense of inevitability. You might wonder “Why does this keep happening to me?” Many people experience similar relationship problems.

The underlying problem is that  despite our best conscious intentions, our unconscious plays a significant part in our relationships. We learn our relational skills  in our families at a young age. Much of that learning happens without us even knowing it. So we form unconscious rules like “To be OK around here, I mustn’t get too close” or “To be OK around here, I must please you”. And we form beliefs about ourselves (e.g. “I’m a bad person”) and about others (e.g. “No one will be here for me”).

Unfortunately, these unconscious rules and beliefs that helped us survive our families get in the way of our relationships today. What was appropriate then, isn’t appropriate now. By following the same old rules, we get stuck and bogged down in our relationships today. It’s as if we deal with others just like we dealt with our parents or caregivers. Not surprisingly all this can leave us feeling depressed, scared, or angry. And very alone with it all.

Counselling to understand yourself

Counselling can help you to understand how and why you behave in your relationships by gently uncovering and examining your unconscious rules and beliefs.  With this newly-found awareness you can work out what to do differently to create more successful relationships in your life.

I provide a supportive and non-judgmental environment to help you understand yourself.

Book an appointment

To book an appointment call me on 020 3432 4108 or email me at fraser@hamiltoncounselling.co.uk